Addison's Toy

you can kind of see the lights flashing in this pic

With this whole albinism thing, the hardest thing for me is the fact that Addison cant see me. She hears my voice and looks for me, but when she looks around, she passes me right up. I get right in her face and she just CANNOT see me. When I was pregnant I was so excited to stare into my babies eyes when i would hold her. When I was pregnant, many people told me to look into my babies eyes when I feed her, this is when I'd make that strong connection with her. Well, it just hasn't happened that way for us. I get right in her face and smile, call her name, anything to get her attention.... but all i get is this blank stare.

Hope is a weird thing. I had hope when I was pregnant that my baby would be everything I wanted, and she is, she truly is everything I could have ever wanted. I also had hope when I found out she had albinism that it wasn't as bad as they thought. But, I have to admit, my hope was diminishing fast!! Some of our family friends Ben and Kathy G. gave Addison a toy at my shower. It was really neat, but after she was diagnosed with albinism I sort of gave up on the whole toy thing thinking she wouldn't be able to see it anyways. Well, the other night Addison wouldn't go to sleep, this is nothing new, but I was getting frustrated and desperate so I went into her room and grabbed the toy. I laid her on her play mat and pressed some of the buttons. The toy instantly began playing music which made Addi turn her head and look towards the sound. She starting looking all around to see where the noise was coming from. Then, the toy lit up. It was a rather dim light that didn't hurt Addi's eyes at all. The music played and the lights bounced around on the toy. I looked at Addi, and SHE WAS STARING AT THE TOY! I thought I was hallucinating from lack of sleep, so I turned it off and did it again. I SWEAR TO YOU SHE SAW THE LIGHTS FLASHING!! Tears flooded my eyes.. I could not believe that she saw it. I started screaming and my mom ran into the living room, she was just as shocked as I was. We just sat there and watched her. I know this sounds like a very insignificant story, but it was very exciting for us. Every night for the past 3 days we have played with this toy. She smiles at it, watches it, and waves her hands toward it. I know her eyes aren't the best in the world, but i have to say.. I now have hope again!!